>>>Mood |x| Calm
>>>Music |x| My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay
>>>Wearing |x| Red Plaid PJ Pants, Pink tank top
>>>Eating |x| nothing
>>>Drinking |x| Rasberry juice
>>>Talking to |x| Jenn
>>>Thinking |x| About Sleep
>>>Feeling |x| hott
>>>Quote |x| ...she can only fool herself for so long...
>>>MSN Name |x| (W)xFåÐëÐxÅwåýx(W) (U)She said |x| kill me faster |x| with |*|strawberry gashes|*| all over(U) OMG BARBIE IS SARAH BECKER!!!!!
alright my peeps. my lovely adoring no ones who look at this. lmao. i guess people would read it if they knew it was there, but they dont need to, therefore they dont get to.
okay so lets start off tonights rant with my depression issues. not to sure whats going on with them. i go from major ass depressed wednesday night, to fucking high as a kite saturday. i dont know why. i just keep getting so lost and confused. by monday ill probably be depressed as hell again. things would be so much better if i could talk to hope about these things. but im not allowed to. cause i mean im the worlds most dangerously bad influence. lmfao. actually i told jenn, and she said shes never met anyone more innocent then me. how somebody could be grounded from me, is a mystery. sad thing is in the beginning it was just for a while, now its forever, and ever, no matter what happens. i dont get that. if i just had someone to talk to about this shit id be fine.
as for my cutting. last time i cut was wednesday night, so three days now. im hella proud about it. not quite anything compared to 6 weeks and 4 days. but its getting better. at least its not every night still. if everyone would stop making me feel so guilty for talking to dan, i would probably be fine. but thats just to easy. so instead i cut. nobody has mentioned anything tho in a couple days. so therefore lack of cutting. other then the fact that im not allowed to shave unsupervised anymore. my mom had to watch me shave this morning. i wouldnt take my socks off, it looked kinda stupid. and i tried blaming the ones on my arm from these kittens at the house i was babysitting at. but it didnt go over so well, she didnt believe me. so now i cant shave in privacy, my mom knows about my scars and is going to be constantly checking me for them, stupid parents. i just dont get there logic on life.
and as for my weight. not much has really happened to it since wednesday. i went for two days without eating. then totally pigged out on friday/saturday so i doubt ive lost anything again. i wish i could just stick with something for a while. i hate throwing up so much, but when i eat so much food i hafta, friday i had 4 pieces of pizza at school, and two slurpees. i came home and threw it up, twice to make sure everything was gone. but then today i was gone all day so i never had the chance, and now i know its too late, cuz most of it would already be digested. so im very dissapointed in myself. im never gonna reach my goals if i keep doing this.
on a happier note, wait, no, there isnt a happier note, the notes just keep getting darker and darker, and more and more depressing. its a good thing my friends dont read these things, or else i would be in some serious trouble with a lot of them. really really fast. but i think i might go now, theres nobody on, except jenn, but i dont really talk to her. so im out
the end..
×Hates×
depression, cutting, ed's, essays, choir interns, hilary duff, liars, cheating boys, smoking, aim, school, basketball coaches, seafood.
×Playlist×
10/141 songs
smile empty soul - with this knife
three days grace - wake up
matchbook romance - tiger lily
dead celebrity status - we fall
jack off jill - strawberry gashes
greenday - boulevard of broken dreams
good charlotte - meet my maker
linkin park - carousel
smile empty soul - bottom of a bottle
good charlotte - murder