>>>Wearing |x| New Jeans, Roxy Shirt, Black Hoodie
>>>Eating |x| nothing
>>>Drinking |x| nothing
>>>Talking to |x| Dan and Krissy
>>>Feeling |x| confused...
>>>Listening |x|
>>>MSN Name |x| (W)xFåÐëÐxÅwåýx(W) ..(L)..let me *hold* you...*touch* you...*feel* you...*always*..(L)..
>>>Quote |x| your already a bastard, might as well be an enlightened one...
well...last time i posted i was really happy. wish i could say the same still. but not quite so much. im extremly depressed again. i dont know why either. ive been in such a good mood lately. and all of a sudden tonite its like this huge wave came crashing down all around me and pushed me furiously into a large brick wall. i simply feel like shit. in every way humanly possible, its great. grr.
-x- depression. obviously big thing right now. during the week when im never home its so easy to keep it in control, but as soon as im home for the weekend, by myself, left to my own thoughts, it all goes to hell. i just keep sitting around thinking about life. my friends. my family. and coming to harsh conclusions that no one even really cares. its pissing me off so much. hope doesnt even tell me when she plans on going away. then she makes me feel all bad because shes all like 'oh i told you a long time ago'. well no you fucking didnt. maybe you told krissy, maybe you told jocelyne, or even dan. but you never fucking told me. ever. piss me off. thats just the start of it all too. grr. every little thing that someone does makes me mad. but instead of getting pissed off and throwing things or yelling. i cry. i just sit down and ball my eyes out. everywhere. everytime. infront of everyone. i look like such a baby. i just wish i knew why i do it.
-x- eating. its actually been going great. i went this whole week. monday to friday. on...two chicken nuggets, a piece of shannons orange, and half a pizza from the school cafeteria. oh yea. and if you really want to get into it. a large coffee from 7-11. yuhm. so good. so its all good. lost three pounds this week alone man. down to 129 *dances around*. i was so happy when i saw that. im finally getting somewhere. so if i just keep this up for about three more months, we'll have my goal weight. violia. its great. lmao. except for the fact thats its killing me slowly. im so tired all the time. and bitchy now. but ill get over it. its all good.
-x- cutting. if you really want to be specific. its been 6 days since i cut. but i have this huge gash on my arm. and i pick at the scabs and re-open it everyday anyways. ive lost so much blood out of it, that arm has a distinct purpley tinge to the upper arm, and is bone white in my hand. its extremly messed up. hence why i always wear long shirt, except at basketball, where i get strange looks. but hey whats new. i get those everywhere. so instead me and shannon are good friends now. lol. the outcasts of the team. its great.
-x- stress. theres so much of it building up. that its bound to be the thing that kills me. im gone for at least 12 and a half to 14 hours a day. always doing something too. never just sitting around. whether it be the crazy amounts of homework, the basketball practices, choir, or clogging. its crazy. it really truthfully is. its the one thing keeping me half-decently sane though. with all this stuff going on, i have no time to be depressed, or worry about eating. its great. it for some reason seems to relax me too. i dont really get it. being stressed, makes me happy. im weird. whats new.
but im gonna go for now. im bored, out of my mind. not helping anything. 15 people on msn and im talking to two. who only say random things every ten minutes or so. so im out.
the end...
×Hates×
depression, cutting, ed's, essays, choir interns, hilary duff, liars, cheating boys, smoking, aim, school, basketball coaches, seafood.
×Playlist×
10/141 songs
smile empty soul - with this knife
three days grace - wake up
matchbook romance - tiger lily
dead celebrity status - we fall
jack off jill - strawberry gashes
greenday - boulevard of broken dreams
good charlotte - meet my maker
linkin park - carousel
smile empty soul - bottom of a bottle
good charlotte - murder